


Here For You

by Lalalaartje, NarryEm



Series: One Direction Erotica/Fluff-fest/Wangst as written by EmilyY [40]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Fluff, M/M, Self-Harm, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-12
Updated: 2014-02-12
Packaged: 2018-01-11 22:39:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1178801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lalalaartje/pseuds/Lalalaartje, https://archiveofourown.org/users/NarryEm/pseuds/NarryEm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone has a past that they want to hide from. Liam tried running away from him but it stays and keeps haunting his thoughts.<br/>Niall is a bloke with a sunny smile that could melt just about anyone's heart.</p><p>He just wanted Liam to let him in.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Here For You

**Author's Note:**

> NarryEm: I took the libery to edit the story into one chapter w/o consulting Karo first when I uploaded it on here. There also might be super minor differences compared to the Wattpad version. We wrote this chapter by chapter and I'm pretty sure Lalalaartje wrote all of the amazing smut scenes.

Liam Payne is shy, but for a good reason. After what has happened to him in Wolverhampton, he needed a new start so badly. He has had a rough past, to say the least. School had been absolute hell for him, with and without the constant harassment. Home life wasn't much better either. It wasn't as though his family didn't love him. But they didn’t love him enough to notice the not-so-subtle signs that their son/brother was not doing well.

Eventually, though, the Paynes picked up on the fact that Liam’s grades were slipping and that he wasn’t behaving like a typical teenager. His parents didn’t act on it though, thinking that it was just a phase.

Liam needed a fresh start. Badly.

Moving to a new country seemed like the perfect way to achieve that.

-

Liam hid his face in his dark grey scarf, tucked in behind his collar. He was glad it was winter now, because maybe, just maybe, that would mean he'd be able to hide from them when he walked into the school. He succeeded in avoiding them most of the day, hiding away in abandoned class rooms over lunch break, waiting for the second bell in between classes and arriving late in his lessons. But no matter how hard he tried, arriving early, arriving very late, arriving at the school's rush hours, he never could avoid them in the morning when he had to cross the playground in order to reach the school's hallways.

His feet felt like lead when he walked the short distance to school, wiping his mother's lipstick from his cheek before he rounded the corner. He checked it one more time before he reached the street his school was in, pulling his scarf up even further over his mouth and nose. As he got closer to the gates, he noticed his hands starting to shake, so he pushed them into his coat's pockets, hoping it would stop, or at least nobody would notice.

The playground was bustling with people when he arrived at the school gates, and he almost believed he would make it into the school without being harassed, almost.

“Oh look who's there! It's my favourite fag!” the fake sweet voice of Jonas sneered next to his ear as the slightly taller boy swung his arm over Liam's shoulder. Liam honestly didn't care, not anymore, not even when Kevin joined them on his other side, wrapping his own arm around Liam's shoulder and asked him how much he wanted for a blowjob.

But when that third boy joined them after being pushed forward by one of his friends, his dirty blond hair hanging in front of his eyes in a way that Liam still thought of as adorable, Liam felt tears threatening to spill from his eyes.

“Hey Liam, how about we meet up later tonight for a gangbang? I know you like to be fucked hard and deep.” Jake added, a smirk visible on his—utterly beautiful—face. Liam squinted his eyes as he looked up to the boy whom he once loved so dearly, glaring at him in an attempt to kill him with one look.

“Oh yeah, and while Jake fucks you, you can suck my dick, that sounds like a plan!” Kevin added with a barking laugh. That was all Liam could take. He shrugged the boys' arms off and ran towards the nearest bathroom, the door slamming behind him as he dashed into one of the filthy cubicles. His shoulders shook as he buried his face into his hands, sliding down onto the floor, waiting for the bell to ring.

It wasn't even that long ago when Jake had made him feel so loved. They had been together for about five months, and Liam had always trusted him with his life. He supposed they were a somewhat odd couple, as they had totally different circles of friends, but they had been attracted to each other from the start. They sat together in maths, science and English, and projects and essays had caused them to talk more to each other. The two of them quickly became friends, and then there was that one night.

They had been working on a science project together at Liam's house, it was late but their work was due the next day, so they didn't have a choice but to work on. Finally it looked like they were done, the small light bulbs that were supposed to light up did, all wires were hidden beneath the fake grass and the house was exactly as it had been on their architectural plan. Even the little fence was perfectly on scale and when it closed, the fairy lights all over the small house's roof lit up. Liam and Jake both walked around their work that took up the entire kitchen table, admiring the result of their effort. They shared a smile and chuckled when Jake added a miniature cow and a dog to the garden. The cow fell over though, and Liam reached out to put it back up, his hand colliding with Jake's above the plastic animal. Liam felt a jolt surge through his body and pulled back, a blush heating up his neck and cheek as he cleared his throat and muttered an apology.

Liam was about to turn away, but Jake grabbed his wrist and pulled him back, even closer than they had been before actually. When his other hand reached up for Liam's cheek, cupping it and rubbing his thumb along the light stubble that graced his jaw, Liam shivered, causing Jake to smile at him before he leaned in. His lips were softer than they seemed, and it took Liam a second or two to wrap his mind around what was happening there. Only when Jake squeezed his hand was he pulled out of his haze, finally able to move his lips against Jake's. A soft whine escaping his mouth when his friend pulled back. Jake had smiled at that and pressed a small peck on his lips, leaving a promise for many more to come before he went home, it was after all long past his curfew.

Their relationship was kept a secret from their parents, their friends and especially everyone at school, but neither boy cared about that. They had each other and that was enough. Five blissful months followed, full of stolen kisses behind the wall at the school's playground, secretly held hands on their trips to the mall or in the park. Liam even spent the night at Jake's when his parents were out for their anniversary or something like that, and even though they were both nervous as hell, their first time was as blissful as the rest of the relationship. Liam would never have guessed that having another boy doing what he usually did himself in bed after another day of sexual frustration would be that good.

But then, one day, everything changed. Jake changed. It was a day like every other one, Liam and Jake had snuck off to the side of the school building, and they were talking softly in between short loving kisses, their hands entwined by their sides. The sun was shining and it was pretty warm for a day at the beginning of May, both boys being dressed only in their button up uniform shirts, the red tie loose around their necks. Jake was leaning against Liam's body, who was pressed against the wall, legs entwined and their lips caught in a slow romantic kiss. Liam still replayed the moment as if it were a movie. Jake's tongue had just run over his bottom lip, teasing him and asking entrance, when they were startled by gasps and sounds of disapproval and disgust.

Apparently Jonas and Kevin had turned the corner, probably sneaking away to smoke around the corner and walked in to their romantic encounter. They weren't very open-minded when it came to same sex relationships, and even though they were supposed to be Jake's friends, they didn't exactly support him. They had dragged him off, and Liam could only guess what had happened afterwards. He supposed they had blackmailed him into bullying Liam, as from the next day, their torturing had started, and Jake had been involved. He had been reluctant at first, but soon enough his eyes were distant and hard when he looked at Liam, and that hurt more than all the beatings, all the foul words thrown his way. He had been betrayed by his lover.

He hadn't started cutting right away, it was somewhat a coincidence really. He had been changing the blade in his razor and it had slipped out of his hand and left a cut on his forearm. Liam had hissed in pain first, but then the adrenalin started running through his veins and he was fascinated by the crimson blood seeping out of the cut. That was the first time, and after a few weeks cuts were spread all over his thighs and stomach, far from prying eyes, only for him to see and to know about.

Depression had taken over, but his mother had blamed it on being tired of school, and she was positive it would get better after their two week break, when Liam had some time off. But it didn't. Not even in the summer holidays did it get better, and Liam spent more and more time in his room, locked away from family, and even his mother started to notice he never had any friends coming over anymore. That would be because he didn't have any friends left. They were all afraid to be victimized by the bullies, so they stayed away as far as possible from Liam.

By the time summer holidays were over, Liam's dread for going back to that hellhole called school only grew, and he was seriously thinking about possible solutions, including killing himself, or just seriously self -harm so that his parents would finally notice he really wasn't doing well, and that it was more than just a small depression. He cried when his parents called him back into the kitchen after dinner, tears of relief.

They were moving away, his father had gotten an offer from his company to start a new office in Ireland, in a small town where nobody knew them, and they just thought it would be good for Liam to change environments. It was all a bit short notice as they were moving two weeks later, but Liam couldn't be happier. Finally he would get out of this village with everyone at school knowing about him being gay and abusing him for it. He wouldn't make the same mistake again, it would be easier to just keep to himself and not let anyone close to him, that way he could never be hurt like this, ever again.

Ever again.

Liam was gazing across the field, a half-eaten sandwich long forgotten in his hands. He was sat on a bench all alone, just like always. Not that he minded it. Being alone was much better than the alternative. His past had driven him to move out of a country, for crying out loud. Maybe, if he became invisible to everyone in school for the year, he wouldn’t have to repeat history.

The bell went off, signalling the end of lunch hour. Liam sighed as he tossed his sandwich into a bin six feet away from him. A few more hours of school and then he can go home. If he was living alone or something, he would have quit school long ago. But no, shutting himself in his room might raise some concern among his parents. At least they cared enough to have listened to Liam’s pleas and move away from Wolverhampton. Only if they knew their true son, Liam thought darkly. If Mum and and actually love me, they would have noticed the signs long ago.

He headed back to the building, his feet heavy.

-

Niall watched the new lad, Liam, walk across the football field. Niall and his friends had decided to eat outside the building for once and, naturally, they had ended up choosing a spot off the side of the field. And Niall was happy that they had because otherwise, he wouldn’t have had the chance to spot Liam.

Liam had moved to Mullingar a couple weeks ago, which was a mystery to pretty much everyone else in town. It’s a beautiful town, don’t get me wrong, but it was a small town.

Liam was fit, in Niall’s honest opinion. The new lad was easily taller than himself with an edgy crew-cut brown hair. And his eyes. His puppy brown eyes reminded Niall of Bambi somehow. Except, they lacked the pure innocence and curiosity. Those brown orbs give away absolutely nothing. But once or twice, when passing by the English lad, Niall had thought he saw vulnerability veiled behind the emotionless mask.

And that was why Niall wanted to get to know Liam.

Niall had never seen Liam talking to or hanging out with any girl or boy. And Niall wanted to be Liam’s friend.

With that in mind, Niall excused himself and started after Liam. In a few moments, he managed to catch up to the new student. Up close, Niall realises that the other lad was at least three inches taller than himself; he had always fancied chaps who are taller than him. He purposefully put himself in Liam’s way and said, smiling his best friendly smile, “Hi, I’m Niall. You are?”

Liam regarded him coolly. “Why are you talking to me?”

Oh, he’s English, Niall noted in his mind. “I’ve noticed that you’re new around here and I wanted to talk to you, is all. Didn’t realise that it’s a crime to talk to you, mate.”

“Don’t call me that,” Liam snapped.

“Call you ‘mate’?” The English lad glared at him with even more iciness and venom in his eyes. “Sorry. Erm, so you’re not gonna tell me what your name is?”

Liam rolled his eyes. He didn’t like being noticed. At all. He would much rather be the unnoticed kid in the background who nobody cared about. “If I tell you what my name is, will you sod off?”

“That’s rude, but I suppose. Yeah.” Sheesh, what was with this chap?

“Liam. Happy?” Liam snapped and walked away, bumping his shoulder into Niall’s aggressively.

“Not really,” Niall mumbled to no one in particular but somehow, Liam picked up on that. He chose to ignore the comment and continued to walk away.

-

 

Liam looked around the small café. He had cycled over to this cosy little café--which is only a couple miles from school—after his encounter with Niall. He hated the fact that Niall was stirring strange, familiar emotions within him. Emotions were no good. Not when all they do was destroy.

Feeling his scars itch, Liam patted them over the thin material of his shirt. He should go home so he could be alone—as alone as he could be anyways.

The bike ride home was uneventful. Just as Liam was about to open the garage door, he saw a blond head passing behind him in his peripheral vision. Seriously? he asked himself. He’d better not live close to my house. . .

Niall slowed down upon spotting Liam. The blond was heading home from one of his friends’ house. Half of him wanted to try talking to Liam again while other half of him knew that he should leave Liam be.

Seeing that Liam’s body was kind of angled toward him, Niall settled on a small wave ‘hi’, not expecting a wave back. And he was right; Liam ignored him.

 _Why are you keeping your distance?_ Niall questioned silently. He picked up his pace and nearly jogged home, which was only one block away from Liam’s.

Unbeknownst to Niall, Liam watched the shorter boy walk away. The way that the sun was shining down on his blond hair reminded Liam of those paintings of angels with haloes. And Liam had to admit, Niall had the bluest eyes he had ever seen, adding to the angelic-ness. The blond had a lighter build compared to Liam himself and Liam found that cute. Liam bit the insides of his cheeks, hard enough to draw blood. He couldn’t allow himself to go down that path. Call him paranoid, but Niall’s angelic appearance couldn’t—didn’t—guarantee that Niall was a genuinely caring person. Liam couldn’t afford to have another him in his life.

 

-

 

Liam woke up on the Sunday morning feeling like shit. The first week of school had been absolute hell and the amount of homework he's been assigned was not going to help.

It was already half-eleven so Liam quickly washed his face in the bathroom and went downstairs so he could eat brunch or something.

He noticed that his mother was talking to someone in the living room. Actually, Liam could make out two distinct voices. After grabbing an apple from the fridge, Liam walked into the living room.

When he saw who his mum’s guests are, he immediately regretted giving into his curiosity.

“Finally awake, Liam?” his mum queried cheerfully. “Maura and Niall, this is Liam, my son. Liam, these are Maura and her younger son Niall. Maura and I met the other day and, well, we became friends quickly. She’s mentioned that she has a son who goes to your school so invited her and Niall over for lunch. Sorry, I was going to tell you last night but you seemed so tired and I didn’t want to disturb you.”

Liam forced a smile onto his face. “No problem, Mum. Nice to meet you Maura. Niall.”

 

-

 

“The lunch was lovely. And the dessert, too,” Niall commented.

“Thank you, Niall. You’re quite the charmer, aren’t you?” Karen said in a very motherly tone.

Niall blushed. “That’s what my friends tell me.”

Karen and Maura exchange a Look. “You must have a girlfriend, then.”

At that, Niall nearly spat out the tea he had been drinking. Thankfully—or maybe not—he only choked on the hot liquid. “No, ma’am. But there is someone I would like to go out with.“

Maura’s eyes twinkled at Niall’s last sentence. “You haven’t told me that before. Is it a boy or a girl?”

Liam’s eyes widened. Niall is bi?

 _No, don’t even go there,_ he admonished himself a second later.

“I’d rather not say. . . “

Maura smiled knowingly. Patting her son on his shoulder, she suggested, “Why don’t you and Liam hang out elsewhere? Karen and I must have bored you enough with our talks during lunch. You could show Liam around the town.”

“I would like that,” Liam half-lied. The idea of being alone with Niall didn’t repulse him as much as it should. What was it about Niall that made him thus?

“Brilliant,” Niall replied. “We’ll leave now, if that’s okay with you?”

Karen and Maura waved at them as Karen spoke for both of them, “Of course it’s more than okay.”

“Thanks again for the lovely lunch, Karen,” Niall said before following Liam, who was halfway out the house already.

 

-

 

Liam and Niall ended up in the Mullingar Town Park. They were sat with their back against one of the tallest trees in the park. Their walk to the park had been devoid of words and the same silence fills the air between them.

 

It was not much of a surprise to Liam when Niall decided to break it. “You feel like talking? Or do you wanna be alone. I can just go home if you want.”

Liam looked into those angelic blue eyes. “Why do you try?”

“Try what?” Niall countered with a question.

“Don’t play dumb. Why are you trying to be my friend?”

“Is it hard to believe that someone cares about you? I’m sorry, I care. Hell, I don’t even know much about you except for the fact that you hide behind all that ice in your eyes, but guess what? I wanna know you. The real you behind that wall of yours. I’ve been telling myself, that maybe—just maybe—if I let you know that I’m here for you, you’ll let me be your friend. Your first friend here ‘cause it looks like you haven’t even tried to make friends since moving to here. I don’t know why you’re this way and I don’t wanna know either if you don’t wanna tell me, Liam. But I do want you to know that I mean what I’ve just said. They say live in the moment, right? Well, then, this is me living in the goddamn moment.”

With that, Niall gathered Liam’s hands into his own and kissed the English lad full on the mouth. You could hardly call it a kiss, though. It was merely a brush of their lips.

Niall leant back right after their kiss. He looked right into Liam’s Bambi eyes as he said, “We fall and we hurt before we love, Liam. But the pain and the uncertainty are worth it. Always.” For the first time, Niall saw an emotion in shining in Liam’s eyes: hope. In another second, it faded but Niall knew that the hope was real.

“I don’t think you treat yourself right, Liam, but I want you to.”

This time, it was not Liam who walked away: t was Niall.

 

-

 

Niall usually liked Mondays—very unlike most students. It was just that he enjoyed seeing his classmates at school and hanging out with them.

This morning, well, let’s just say he was more than slightly nervous about going to school. He didn’t regret kissing Liam; no not at all. However, his gut instinct was telling him not to be disappointed if Liam didn’t show up to school. It wasn’t like they saw each other often on school grounds. Ever since Niall and Liam talked for the time, Niall had made a point of searching for the brunet.

So when Niall did see the English lad, the sight made his heart race. His heartbeat sped up even more when he realised that Liam was speed-walking towards him.

Liam said, without preamble, “We need to talk. Alone.” And hauled Niall away from his posse without waiting for a response.

“What do you want?” Niall queried, not unkindly.

“To say thank you. Thank you for yesterday; for not wanting to let me go; for wanting to be my friend; for being the first person to understand me when you didn’t even know me. I don’t know if yesterday made us friends or more but I’m willing to be either. For you and for me.”

Niall grinned happily. He had never expected Liam to be so forward. “If you’re ready for that.”

Liam paused to think, to actually think about what risk he was putting himself in. He had been hurt before—badly—but this was Niall. “I’m not the best boyfriend material, broken parts and all, but with you I’d like to do it all over again. The whole dating business, I mean.”

“Date?” Niall gawped. “You want to go out with me?”

“Yes, Niall Horan. Would you like to go out on date with me this weekend? As my boyfriend?” Liam smiled. And when Liam smiles, it lit up his face perfectly. To be fair, this was the first time Niall had seen Liam smile.

“Like you had to ask. And god, you have to smile more often. Who knows, I might be falling in love with your smile.”

“Your wish is my command,” Liam’s smile grew wider.

 

-

 

One week. That’s all it took for Liam to trust Niall like no one before. Not even his own parents. The brunet had even considered telling Niall about his cutting. It had scared him at first because he wasn’t used to feeling that comfortable around others. But soon, it became evident that Liam couldn’t fight it because it was Niall. He wasn’t scared to admit that maybe, just maybe, he might end up falling for the blond Irish lad.

 

One week. That’s all it took for Liam to trust Niall like no one before. Not even his own parents. The brunet had even considered telling Niall about his cutting. It had scared him at first because he wasn’t used to feeling that comfortable around others. But soon, it became evident that Liam couldn’t fight it because it was Niall. He wasn’t scared to admit that maybe, just maybe, he might end up falling for the blond Irish lad.

One week also was all it took for Liam to become a slightly different person at school. It wasn’t like his personality did a complete one-eighty. He had, however, become less quiet at school. He was still reserved but at least Niall and Niall’s friends weren’t the only people he talked to. Just yesterday, Niall saw the light brunet talking to a girl about a project they had together and he had felt a surge of warmth and pride welling up inside heart.

 

“Eyes on the road, Granny,” Niall warned playfully. Liam blushed as he realised that he had been spacing out a bit.

“Granny?” Liam quirked a brow at that. “Where’d that come from?”

“Not sure. Would you rather that I called you Bambi then?”

Liam chuckled. “I think any nickname is better than granny, Nialler.” _Bambi,_ he thought in a wondering tone. _I like the sound of that._ “And I like Bambi. I like it a lot.”

“So do I.”

Shortly after that, Liam and Niall arrived at their destination. Niall’s ocean blue eyes widened as he saw that the car was parked outside a bakery.

“Bambi, what are we doing outside a bakery?” Niall asked.

“Voilà, the best first date idea I ever had. I’ve planned on inviting you over to mine but we don’t keep a lot of snacks around my house. So I thought that it would be nice if we went to a bakery to pick out some snacks and whatnot together as a date. And there happens to be a cinema like a block away as well,” Liam said, smiling. Niall leant over the glove department and the gearshift so that he could peck Liam on the cheeks.

“For someone who’d wanted me to sod off, you sure know the way to my heart,” Niall commented cheekily.

“Babe, everyone knows that you’re in love with food.”

“True. But don’t you worry your pretty little head, I won’t cheat on you with food. Not even with Nando’s.”

Laughing, the couple entered the cosy-looking bakery. The showcases were chock full of mouth-watering cookies, muffins, pastries, the works. Niall’s face lights up like a small kid’s on his birthday. The blond ran up to the nearest showcase and stared at each and every choice offered thoughtfully. Liam couldn’t contain his grin as Niall sucked in his bottom lips between his teeth, worrying the pink flesh as he contemplated his choices.

It took a half-hour, but Niall and Liam (mostly Niall) narrowed their choices down to a maple walnut crunch boat Danish, a slice of triple chocolate fudge cake with strawberries, a miniature baguette, and a cruller. Niall insisted on halving the cost but Liam was just as insistent. In the end, Liam beat Niall to paying for their date snacks. “You two make an adorable couple,” the middle-aged cashier commented with a wink. They both blushed, the red on their cheeks matching. Niall’s playful pout disappears the moment Liam shoves the cruller doughnut in his mouth. They decided to save the movie date for a later date.

 

-

 

When they arrived in front of Liam’s house, there was a brief moment of awkwardness. Liam felt awkward since Niall was the first friend in Ireland that he had brought home; Niall because he had never gone to his girlfriend or boyfriend’s house on first date.

“Well, c’mon in,” Liam invited the slightly shorter lad. “No one’s stopping you.”

Niall walked inside, noting that they were the only ones. “Are we the only ones here?” Niall voiced his suspicion.

Liam blushed again as realisation dawns upon him. “Yeah . . .”

“Oh I didn’t mean to say it that way. Just spending some time with you means so much to me.”

The blond found himself pushed back towards a wall as Liam kissed him with more passion than before. Naturally, he kissed back with as much passion and enthusiasm.

 

-

 

Liam went home for the night with another lingering kiss goodbye. It was a school night, and no matter how adorable Niall’s puppy face was, Maura had to send her son’s boyfriend home for the night.

Niall went to pick up Liam before school the next morning, as he usually did. He waited outside, leaning against the lamp post across the street for Liam to come outside so they could walk to school together. Liam was running late though, something rather out of character for him, so Niall decided to walk over to the door and ask about him. Maybe there had been a power cut and they all overslept or something, you never knew.

 

Right when he crossed the street, Karen walked outside with a bin bag in her hands, ready to take the trash out to the container in front of their house.

“Oh, hey Niall, aren’t you at school yet?” she asked cheerily, her face a bit flushed and her hair slightly messed up from cleaning around the house.

“Uhm, I was actually waiting for Liam, is he running late or something?” Niall asked, a bit confused at Karen’s question.

“Oh. No. I thought you knew. He left really early this morning, something about a project he had to finish before class or something? I’m not sure, but he’s been gone for at least an hour.” She took a glance at her watch. “And you should get going to Niall, you’ll be late if you don’t run.”

 

He nodded and put up a hand in a distracted greeting and ran off to school. He only managed to get there right as the bell sounded, so he didn’t get a chance to find Liam before classes started. He couldn’t focus on his classes though, his mind wandered to his boyfriend and his odd behaviour of this morning the entire time, one of his hands clutched around his phone in his pocket whenever he had the chance. It never buzzed though, Liam didn’t text him like he usually did, and Niall started to get worried.

Did he do something wrong? Maybe he’d gone too fast yesterday, maybe Liam didn’t like his body and he didn’t want to tell him? It was driving him crazy, and when the bell sounded to announce lunch hour, Niall all but jumped up from his chair and dashed out of the classroom, straight to the cafeteria where he hoped to find Liam.

He didn’t. Liam didn’t show up during lunch hour, making not only Niall worry, but all of their other friends ask about him as well. Apparently neither of them had seen him all morning, and Niall hated how he wasn’t able to answer any of their questions. Zayn told the others to stop asking questions when he noticed how Niall didn’t even touch the sandwich he’d bought for lunch, but Niall hardly heard any of them. He just sat there, waiting, looking around and contemplating how to track Liam down. Finally, after half an hour, he got up, too fidgety to stay seated at a lunch table with people he didn’t want to talk to and food he didn’t want to eat, and started looking for Liam around the school.

He spent the rest of lunch hour looking for Liam, but he wasn’t outside at the bleachers, nor in the gym or at the library. He would’ve skipped his afternoon classes, but he had a test in chemistry, a subject he was almost failing already and then an oral exercise in English he couldn’t miss. He’d just have to try and get out of his last class early to try and find Liam before he went home. By this time he didn’t even care if he’d done something wrong and Liam was mad at him, he just needed to be sure that his Liam was doing okay.

“Yes, Niall?” his English teacher asked as he raised his hands, 10 minutes before class would end. His class had been quite a handful this last hour of the day and he was just tired and wanted the day to be over with.

“Can I please go to the bathroom, I’m not feeling so well, sir.” Niall asked, trying to look nauseated. His teacher just sighed and nodded. “Go ahead. Take your books with you though, I’m leaving right after class.”

Niall mumbled a thank you before he put his stuff in his backpack and bolted out of the room, straight towards the biology lab where he knew Liam had his last class of the day. He was panting as he arrived there, but the bell hadn’t rung yet, so he should be on time to catch Liam before he went home. He leaned against the wall opposite the door, trying to look nonchalant and as if he totally belonged there. It was just lucky that no teacher came by or he surely would’ve gotten detention, but soon enough the bell rang, followed by sounds of moving chairs and chatter coming out of the classroom.

Niall smiled politely at some of Liam’s classmates coming through the door, talking amongst each other about the school dance that would be held in a month’s time. His foot was tapping on the floor in front of him, impatient for Liam to come outside. He’d almost given up, believed that Liam had skipped school, when he finally spotted Liam’s green sweater and his grey backpack as he said goodbye to his teacher. Ever so polite.

“Liam!” he exclaimed, almost shouted as he walked through the door, and Liam jumped, obviously surprised to find Niall there. He was quick to recompose himself though, and put on a small smile as he greeted his friend.

“Hey Niall.” He stopped walking about half a metre in front of Niall, making it very clear that he wasn’t about to greet him with a kiss as usual. It startled Niall a bit, and fuelled his suspicion that indeed he had done something wrong the night before.

“Are you- are you alright Li?” he stammered, a frown etched on his face.

“Of course I’m alright Niall, why wouldn’t I?” was Liam’s cheery reply. It confused Niall even more. What on earth was going on here?

“Oh. Uh. Yeah, I just… I went to pick you up this morning but you’d already left, and then I didn’t see you all day, so I just thought that maybe something was wrong.” He muttered.

“No need to worry about me here Niall, I’m peachy keen.” Liam smiled, swinging his backpack onto his back and taking off towards the exit.

“Alright then. You want to come over for homework and dinner?” he asked hopefully, because then, maybe, if Liam acted like this, they were still fine.

“No, not tonight. Thanks for the invitation though. I’ll just see you at lunch tomorrow, alright?” Niall didn’t even have time to reply, Liam had walked out of the school gates and jogged over to the bus to take him home instead of walking along with Niall like he usually did.

It didn't get better. And by Sunday, Harry, Zayn and Louis called for an intervention. They were sick of his sulking and had literally kidnapped him from his room to go out to the park with them to play football. Zayn had been the one to pick up on his foul mood having to do something with Liam, so he’d kept Louis from inviting him along. Niall had come with them, he didn’t have much of a choice, but he refused to have fun. He just sat on a bench, watching the others run around with a football and mess about on the grass.

“Are you going to do something about it, or just sulk until the end of times?” Niall looked up, a bit surprised that it was Louis who’d come to join him on the bench. He shrugged in reply.

“This is nothing like you, Niall. Either get over it, or confront him, but don’t let it bring you down like this.” And with that, Louis had gotten up again, loudly demanding the ball from Harry who was trying to keep Zayn from scoring.  
Louis’ words kept twirling around in Niall’s mind for the rest of the day.

Even at night he couldn’t get them out of his head, and finally he gave up on sleeping. Instead he got up, although it was only 5am, showered and left a note for his mum to let her know he was off to school already. He took out his bike and drove to Liam’s house, taking his place against the lamp post to wait for Liam to come out of the house. He didn’t even have to wait long, Liam walked through his front door at 7.15, hands stuffed deep into his trousers’ pockets and gaze directed to the ground. He looked sad and lonely; almost that much that Niall felt bad about being angry and fed up with him.

“Liam!” he called out, making his –boyfriend?- look up at him. Niall would’ve sworn he saw a spark at first, but it was soon replaced by a distant smile and a cold look in his eyes.

“Niall, you’re up early this morning.” Liam remarked as Niall had crossed the street.

“Whatever. Are you going to tell me what I did wrong? I’m fed up with this little game of yours. First everything is more than alright between us, and now you’re pushing me away and pretending nothing happened. I’m sick of it!” He was almost screaming by the end of his rant, and Liam needed a minute to think of a reply.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Niall, you did nothing wrong. It just went a bit fast, I think it’s better to stay friends and nothing else.”

 

“Don’t. Fucking. Lie to me. This is bullshit Liam and you know it.” Niall growled, standing in front of Liam to keep him from walking away.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about Niall, but I do hope we can still be friends.” Liam replied, a small –fake- smile ghosting his lips.

“Friends? Fuck being friends. I love you Liam! I fucking love you! And I know you felt at least something more than just friendship for me, we had something together. I don’t mind if you don’t love me, but don’t go telling me there was nothing between us, ever. Just don’t.” His voice broke and he had to blink back tears, he was more hurt and sad than angry with Liam, and he just couldn’t handle this any longer.

Liam blinked at him, startled by Niall’s confession.

“I love you...” Niall whispered again, which is what brought Liam out of his daze. He growled and reached for Niall’s collar.

“Don’t lie to me. You can’t love me. Nobody can, and definitely not after such a short while. Don’t say you love me when it isn’t true, understand?” Liam spat, his face only inches from Niall’s.

“I wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t true. I really do love you, Liam, I just wish you’d let me.” Tears were rolling down Niall’s face now, and maybe that was what made Liam loosen his grip. He didn’t lose eye contact with Niall while he let his thumb wipe the tears that were running down Niall’s cheeks.

“I don’t know how...” Liam whispered, fighting hard to keep his own tears from falling.

Niall could feel his heart breaking for this beautiful in front of him as the words rang in his ears. How could someone not know how to love himself?

"Li--" he started to say, stroking Liam's hand, which was still loosely gripping his collar. "You're beautiful and perfect; how can you not love yourself?"

 

Liam's eyes turned harsh again, brown orbs burning from the unspent tears. "I'm disgusting and worthless, anything but beautiful. My parents hardly care about me and left me in a state of depression for months before they finally realised that something wasn't quite well with me. Even now, I barely see them. And at school? Have you ever seen me really talk to anyone but you and your group of friends? Everyone can see that I'm just a waste of space, just another bloke whom they'll see a couple times in their lives. But you, you somehow think that worthy of attention."

Tears began to roll down Niall's rosy cheeks even faster. "You--you are none of those things. People don't talk to you because of the goddamn walls you've built around yourself, not because you're what you think you are. Even when you were closed off to the world, I could see in you that you needed someone to show you. Someone who could show you what real love is like. And I mean it when I say that I love you. I fucking love you and I'll be damned if I can't change the way you think about yourself, Liam!" Niall was mad; not at Liam but whoever had driven Liam to such places. Those bastards deserved to get some sense knocked into them for making Liam think like thus.

The brunet let out a harsh laugh. A tear escaped the corner of his eye, unbidden, as he retorted "You keep telling me that you love me; you keep telling me things that are impossible. You're only lying to yourself if you truly think that you can fall in love with someone as pathetic as me. Or have you forgotten whom you 'love'? Have you forgotten already what a pathetic piece of sod that I am?"

Before he could take a full step and retreat to his house, he was yanked backwards. Warm fingers were encircling his wrist, not letting him budge one bit.

"Let me go, Niall. I've a headache so I don't wanna be dealing with you now." He felt himself being whirled to face the blond boy once again.

"We're gonna deal with this now, Liam. I'm not lettin' you go anywhere until either I can move on or we can move on."

Liam glared at Niall as he shook off the pale hand and crossed his arms in front of his chest. "I'm not going anywhere. So. Fuck. Off."

"Make. Me." Niall gritted out, imitating the other's intimidating tone.

The tears were beginning to dry on Niall's cheeks as Liam drew back his arm and punched Niall in the gut. Letting out a pained gasp, Niall sank to the ground, knees hitting the ground. He reached out with one hand to steady himself while the other hand was pressed to his stomach. But Liam swept his arm off with the his toe, almost making Niall scratch up his face on the pavement.

"There. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be on my way inside. Away from you," he spat out.

Again, like before, Liam managed half of a step before he felt himself falling, face-first, to the ground. There was an added weight on his back. Liam reached out with his arms before his face actually touched the pavement. Feeling the skin on his palms scraping, he groaned from the mixture of pain of pleasure.

Niall was still breathing hard from having been punched in his stomach, but he kept Liam trapped underneath him. His knees bracketed Liam's thighs as he let Liam flip around to face him.

"What the fuck is your problem?" Liam yelled.

"My problem is your stupid stubbornness!" Niall yelled back. "Why can't you just believe me--and not believe in what you have been told--and let us have what we had before?" Fresh tears were welling up in Niall's ocean blue eyes and Liam had to resist the urge to brush them away like before. He couldn't afford to be emotional right now.

"Because it's the fucking truth! Newsflash, the world isn't all rainbows and smiles, Niall. Some people don't deserve people like you!"

"Why?" Niall asked. His voice broke halfway through the single word. He pummeled at Liam's broad chest as he kept chanting: "Why, why, why, whywhywhy, why the hell not!"

"You're fucking Niall Horan, that's why!" Liam answered, his chocolate eyes icier than ever.

"What the fuck's that got to do with anything!"

"Niall Horan, the golden boy at Coláiste Mhuire, everyone's friends with you and adores you! You're the kind of person that everyone gravitate towards. Well, I'm sorry if I'm the only one who doesn't want to get inside your pants!"

"But that hasn't got anything to do with you not believing me when I say that I fucking love you." "It's got everything to do with it! Someone like you shouldn't love a piece of shit like me. You're better off without me, trust me." "No I'm not. Wanna know why? 'Cause I finally met someone who's I can see myself with when I'm eighty and sat at the porch, looking out to the sunset or whatever romantic shite."

Liam opened his mouth to grit out a harsh response about how foolish that romantic notion was. Before he could, though, Niall's soft pink lips crashed onto his own. God how he had missed the taste of Niall's lips on his. Try as he might, Liam couldn't bring himself to push Niall away; push him away and cringe away from Niall's kiss.

He wasn't going to kiss Niall back. He wasn't--oh fuck. But Niall's lips were so fucking soft, and so fucking caring, and so goddamn loving in the ways they moved on his frozen lips. It only took a few seconds of unrequited kissing for Liam's resolve to dissipate and he was kissing Niall back as though his life depended on it. And Niall was only making it worse for Liam with the way he was kissing back in such a delicate and loving way; like he was afraid of breaking Liam if he was too forceful with him.

Liam, however, didn't want the careful Niall. He wanted the carefree Irish boy who would burst out laughing in the middle of a snogging section or at just about everything. He wanted the passionate Niall who made him forget about his past.

So he flipped them over so that Niall was the one trapped underneath him. He could feel Niall's surprise and dismay, probably thinking that Liam was getting ready to leave him for good. Niall was genuinely surprised when Liam kissed him, getting rough from the get-go. Liam's tongue dove past Niall's lips, having pried them open; not that he was met with any resistance. Liam lets his tongue roam in the warm insides of Niall's mouth, as if to map it out. He's missed Niall so much that it had physically hurt him to stay away.

Niall's fingers gripped at the short fuzz of his hair, slotting their mouths even closer. When he realised that Liam's hair was still too short for that, he trailed a hand down to the back of Liam's neck, holding him close to him. Liam pressed his body impossibly close to Niall's.

They kept kissing until they felt a cold splash over their body. And old lady glowered at them, muttering about damn horny teenagers.

Liam pulled Niall up with him and hugged him. As he pulled back, he let his lips brush Niall's flushed cheeks.

"Thanks," he mumbled.

Niall grinned. "Does this mean that you'll take me back?"

"Always. Now let's go up to my room. I don't know 'bout you, but I don't fancy going to school in sopping clothes."

"Me neither."

They ran up to Liam's bedroom, grateful that Liam's parents had already left for work. Liam stripped off his soaked clothes as he entered his room and Niall did the same. Soon enough, they were both clad only in their boxers. Niall licked his lips absentmindedly as Liam bent over his dresser, pulling out a couple t-shirts and trousers.

Liam jumped a bit when he felt someone's breath tickling the back of his neck. Then he realised that it was Niall so he leaned back towards his boyfriend. Niall was spooning him and Liam couldn't help but get a little, erm, excited. They were close to being naked, they were wet above all things, and he himself was bent over.

"You look real good, like that, y'know?" Niall whispered into Liam's ear, voice gone all husky and deliciously low that it sent chills down Liam's spine.

"Mm, do I?" asked Liam, straightening up with fresh clothes in his hands. He got his answer when Niall turned him to face him, instantly slamming their lower halves together. Liam could feel just how much Niall had liked him in that semi-lewd position.

"Yes," he hissed, rolling his hips. "So. Fuckin'. Good." With each word, he rolled his hips, his and Liam's groins meeting with each thrust, supplying them with friction that they needed.

Niall couldn't help it. He reclaimed Liam's lips once again and let his hands wander down to the waistband of Liam's black boxers. The slightly older boy let out a strangled moan of approval and Niall dipped his fingers past the elastic. He gripped the pert cheeks and smiled as Liam moaned. He parted Liam's lips and dove in as he tugged at Liam's boxers until they dropped to the floor. He slid his hands lowers until he was cupping the bottom of Liam's arse.

 

Getting the message, Liam jumped up into Niall's arms. Niall started to carry Liam to his bed, almost dropping him when Liam ground down with his hips.

Niall sat on the edge of the bed, Liam still straddled in his lap. Liam made an impatient sound as he tackled Niall down to the sheets. In another second, he reached for Niall's clover-printed boxers and took them off fluidly; flinging them over his shoulder once he got them completely off.

Now completely naked, the two boys began to kiss with even more passion in each touch. Niall's hands roamed down Liam's firm body, the touch light as feather and just as fleeting, never staying on one spot for longer that a second or two. Liam groaned loudly as Niall rutted against him, heels of his feet digging into the bottom of his spine. The friction was too much and not enough at the same time and Liam didn't want to embarrass himself by lasting half a minute.

So Liam brought his hands up to fist in Niall's hair, pulling at the bleached locks gently. Niall bucked up into his touch and, damn, Liam was so close already. Needing air, Liam broke their heated kiss and trailed his lips downwards. Niall gripped behind Liam's shoulders, surely hard enough to leave bruises and scratches. His fingernails dug in in earnest as Liam sucked at his collarbone before biting down on it hard. A sound that was half-moan, and half-outcry left Niall's lips, his body overrun with pleasure. Liam didn't help at all by sucking on the red mark greedily and lapping at it in a soothing manner.

Liam knew that Niall was so close, so deliciously and achingly close, when Niall's fingers were gripping at his shoulders so hard that veins were popping out on the pale arms. Smirking, he paused to wrap his lean fingers around them both and moved his fist up and down; slow at first but gradually speeding up.

Niall threw his head back, feeling pleasure wash through his entire body. Liam worked him through it until he found his own release. They continued to rut sloppily and lazily until they came down from the high.

It would be difficult to feel so boneless and drowsy with someone who weighed a good dozen pounds more than himself; nonetheless, Niall's eyes were drooping with the haze of pleasure still coursing through his veins. Liam realised what a dead weight he was being so he shifted over, now laid beside Niall's blissed out figure. Niall moaned at the loss of contact and turned over to pull Liam in for an embrace. His leg hitched up Liam's hip on its own accord, wrapping his body around Liam's body. Liam smiled fondly at the gesture and placed his arms around Niall, who was already asleep.

 

He tilted his head down and kissed the top of Niall's mussed up hair. Even in his sleep, Niall responded to the touch and stretched up to the warmth of his lips. Smiling, Liam let himself be taken over by the waves of sleep.

-

 

The change between Niall and Liam wasn’t all that gradual. Little by little, Liam became more comfortable with hearing Niall telling him how beautiful he was and whispering _‘I love you’s_ as they kissed. A couple times, Liam found himself tempted to say those words back to Niall but every time that happened, his voice box wouldn’t work. But he did have the world’s most amazing boyfriend who understood him perfectly. Other than the briefest of sad smile, Niall didn’t react to Liam’s inability to love.

Weeks went by and before they knew it, the ground was beginning to have traces of frost when they woke, which eventually turned into full on snow. Although it was only November, everyone was already counting down the days until they would break for Christmas.

And before they knew it, Christmas was upon them.

“But I miss you now! Can't you come over already?” Liam could almost hear the pout on Niall's face as they were talking on the phone. Unfortunately the holidays meant a temporary break up between their group of friends as well, since Louis and Eleanor were off skiing with her family and Zayn had joined Perrie's family in a trip to England to meet up with their relatives. Liam's parents were leaving for England around lunch as well but luckily Liam had been able to beg his way out of the family vacation.

It wasn't only that he didn't exactly miss England, rather on the contrary, but he just wanted to spend the holidays with his boyfriend. Karen had been reluctant to let him stay, but Maura had told her she didn't mind at all to have an extra guest, so she gave in, only insisting that they'd at least spend Christmas Eve together.

It had been alright, Liam supposed. He'd noticed how guilty his parents felt for not noticing how bad he felt earlier and they reflected it in cooking his favourite food and spoiling him with gifts. There were clothes, CD's, movies and a couple of books. Much more than he would've gotten before, but he just smiled and thanked them with a kiss on the cheek. He'd gone to bed as soon as he deemed appropriate and sent a text to Niall who'd promised to call him as soon as he got permission to get to bed.

“I'm leaving as soon as my parents are gone tomorrow morning Stitch, you probably won't even be awake when I arrive.” Niall huffed at Liam's comment about his sleepiness. “You know it's true! Unless your mum comes and wakes you up with food, you'll sleep until noon at least!”

“Yeah yeah, whatever Bambi. At least make sure you wake me up in a nice way.”

Liam chuckled at Niall's faked offence. “Don't I always babe? Anyway, I better hang up before I fall asleep on you again.”

 

They said their goodnights and both fell asleep with a big smile on their faces, feeling incredibly happy and lucky to have found each other.

 

-

 

“Be good Liam, make sure I hear no complaints from Maura alright” Liam rolled his eyes at his overprotective mother. He was 17 for Christ's sake, not 7. “You've got our cell phone numbers, so call us if anything comes up.”

“Yes, mum.” he answered for the umpteenth time that morning. His dad had already said goodbye and was waiting for his wife in the car so they could leave for the airport.

“Oh, and before I forget, be safe,” her voice lowered a little as she shot him a knowing look before thrusting a small rectangular box into his hands.

“Muuuuuum!” He whined, his cheeks flushing bright red on their own accord. _Condoms, really?_

“Better safe than sorry darling!” she sing-songed before pecking his cheek and twirling out the door with a last wave. Liam shook his head as he looked at the small box in his hands. Nothing else had happened since their make-up, especially with their Christmas tests coming in between boyfriend-time. And yes, Liam had to admit that it had crossed his mind more than once that they would have more private time during the holidays, since they'd be sleeping together for almost two weeks in a row, but condoms, really?

He wasn't quite sure what he was ready for, but going all the way sure wasn't one of those things. Not yet. He shook his head and ran upstairs to grab his bag before he walked the short distance to Niall's house. Maura let him in, and told him with a big friendly smile to go upstairs to put his stuff in Niall's room and wake her son up while he was at it.

As expected, Niall was still sound asleep when Liam snuck into his room, flinging his bag to the side before pulling off his jumper and jeans and shifting under the covers to join his boyfriend in bed. Liam smiled at the way Niall subconsciously turned around to face him as soon as he laid down, his legs finding a spot between Liam's, his arm wrapping around Liam's waist and his face snuggling into the crook of his neck.

 _Cute is a gross understatement,_ Liam thought as he looked down upon his boyfriend. He watched him sleeping for a while until he thought Maura would get suspicious of what they were doing and started stroking Niall's face with one finger. He grinned as Niall's nose scrunched up, his face snuggling deeper into Liam's neck to avoid the touch. Finally he reached his hand up to swat at the annoying wake up call, Liam's chuckle waking him up completely.

“Heeeey,” he groaned, “I told you to wake me up nicely.”

“This is waking you up nicely!” Liam defended himself. “I could've opted for a bucket of cold water or just ripped off your blankets instead, so be glad I'm the kind and caring type of guy!”

“Hmmm, I s'pose. Morning, by the way.” Niall smiled lazily, tugging Liam closer to his body to revel somewhat in the warmth of his body before he had to get out from under the covers and face the chilly air in his bedroom.

“Morning,” Liam smiled back.

They stayed cuddled up beneath the blankets for another half hour, until Liam's arm had gone numb and they decided it would probably be best to go and check if they were needed downstairs. Niall decided he'd shower before dinner since they'd be helping in the kitchen and were therefore bound to get dirty and just put on some comfortable clothes.

Next they decided to put Liam's stuff in Niall's wardrobe, to make sure he wouldn't have to iron his clothes before they were wearable. They were almost finished when Liam excused himself for the toilet, taking his tooth brush and shampoo with him so he could put them in the bathroom where they belonged. Niall was tucking away the last of his jeans, humming a song he vaguely recognized from the radio when Liam returned to the room.

“Almost done!” Niall chirped as he bent over to pick up a T-shirt, his mouth falling open when he looked inside the bag. “Oh my god, Liam. I never figured you to be this naughty!” he cried out, picking up the small box he'd found at the bottom of the bag.

Liam flushed once again and groaned loudly. “Really? _Another_ one!?” He explained this morning's events to Niall, and how apparently his mother had put another box into his bag. Luckily, Niall didn't need any explaining to understand it wasn't Liam's doing, as he too was aware that it would've been too soon for him. Instead, he laughed at the situation and proposed to keep the box in his drawer for possible future use, enjoying the way Liam got even redder at his words. He flung the now empty bag in a corner and grabbed Liam's hand on the way down.

Niall was happily munching on an apple while leaning against the counter and listening to Maura's instructions for the afternoon. Liam was baffled by the enormous amounts of food that were stashed in the fridge and on the counter, and apparently there was even more in the pantry. He couldn't help but wonder if they expected any more guests, but no, it was just the three of them, Niall's dad, his brother and his fiancée. He was sure at least half of the food would be left over for the next day, but he didn't comment on it, instead just started working on the turkey stuffing like he was asked to.

 

It was nice and relaxed, Christmas dinner at the Horan's. The food was wonderful, the atmosphere was cheery and laid back, and Liam really tried not to be too amazed at the amount of food the Horan men ate. Or at least not show his amazement. Him and Niall offered to help with the dishes and the cleaning of the kitchen, but Maura argued that they had already spent their entire day in the kitchen, so it was only fair that the others would help with the cleaning up and sent them upstairs.

Niall fell down on the bed, belly full and a content smile on his lips as he pulled Liam down with him. They kissed and cuddled lazily, feeling sated and happy to be together until Niall remembered the small box he had put away in the back of his wardrobe.

“I've got you a Christmas present!” he exclaimed as he jumped off the bed, leaving Liam behind with wide eyes and just a little startled.

“But! Niall! We never talked about presents!” he protested as a very proud looking Niall handed him the small red box.

“So? I still got you something.”

“Well, I suppose I do have something for you too...” Liam admitted, going quiet as he assessed the box for a few minutes, until Niall nudged him and told him to open it already. Inside was a silver chain necklace, a tiny silver square hanging down from it. In fact, it was so tiny that it was almost impossible to read the inscription on it. Liam took it out of the box and held it closer to his face to study it, trying not to think about how this was so much better than the gift he had for Niall. Tears sprung to his eyes as he finally managed to decipher it. _Here for you. Always._ And as if Liam would ever forget who it was from, their two names were on the other side of the square.

He blinked his tears away and kept his gaze down as he put the necklace on, holding it close to his chest between his fingers as he leaned in and kissed Niall with all the love he had inside of him. When he opened his eyes again, he knew Niall had felt it. He might not have been able to say it yet, but at least Niall knew. Niall's hand reached up to cup his jaw, his thumb rubbing soothingly up and down his face while a small smile played on his lips.

“I love you.” he whispered, and Liam hated how he could only smile back and nod before getting up and grabbing the wrapped gift he'd hidden in his duffel bag, luckily well enough so Niall hadn't found it while unpacking. Niall eyed him curiously before he ripped off the paper in one go, impatient as he was. It was a brand new copy of Liam's favourite book. His was all worn out, creased and folded at the corners, but this one still looked shiny and new.

“I don't know this one, is it good?” Niall asked and Liam nodded as he cleared his throat.

“It's my favourite, actually, thought I'd share it with you.” Niall smiled warmly and flipped it open, the cover revealing the first page with a long message scribbled on it in Liam's neatest handwriting. Niall shot him a surprised look, but couldn't handle the curiosity and quickly started reading.

_Dear Niall,_

_I know you'd like to know all about me, and I'm sure that one day, I'll be ready to tell you everything there is to know. But for now, I'd like to share this. This book got me through all the hard times I had since finding out I liked boys. Accepting myself, coming out to my parents and family, then to my friends. When things went wrong, it helped me to not give up, to keep going, even if it was really hard and I just didn't want to feel anymore. It was my friend when no one else was there for me. Maybe reading it will help you understand me, know me better. I feel like it's somehow become a part of me, and I trust you with it._

_Love,  
Liam._

Liam didn't dare to look at Niall while he read it, not even when he shut the book with a loud clap. It was so weird, it felt like it was so much, yet not enough, especially in comparison to the necklace that burned on his skin.

“Liam.” Niall breathed before he crawled on his boyfriend's lap, straddling him as he grabbed his cheeks with both hands. “Thank you. Thank you so, so much.” it was barely a whisper that left his mouth as his lips ghosted over Liam's before closing the distance.

The kiss was soft and warm and full of love, with just a tinge of desperation to it. Niall felt like it wasn't sufficient to express the feelings running through his veins, it was so much, too much to explain, words would never do it right. So he attacked Liam's lips again, more forceful this time, causing Liam to tumble backwards on the mattress and Niall right on top of him.

Liam gladly opened his mouth when Niall licked his lips with the pointy tip of his tongue before nibbling on his bottom lip, allowing his tongue to play tag with Niall's in a game that neither could win. What had started as a loving kiss soon turned into a heated snog, hands disappearing under jumpers as they felt each other up as if it was their first time.

Was it just Niall or did someone turn the heating up in his bedroom? He sat up, his knees on both sides of Liam's thighs and quickly tore off his jumper and T-shirt, leaving him half naked on top of his boyfriend. Liam gulped at the sight, and god, it really was warm in the room, so he leaned up on his elbows and gladly accepted Niall's assistance in taking off his own jumper and button down.

The silver square felt cool on his chest, but he didn't have much time to think about it as Niall ducked down and started pressing kisses along his jaw, down his neck to his collarbone. Liam gasped and had to suppress an embarrassingly loud moan when Niall nipped at his collarbone, soothing the bites with his tongue and lips. It took all his willpower to push Niall off of him when his kisses trailed downward, his teeth tugging softly at the necklace before kissing all around it, as if to welcome the new addition to his boyfriend's body.

He had been thinking about it, and he wanted to make Niall feel good, as good as Niall made him feel, and not the other way around like it had been before. So he turned them around, leaning over Niall, gazing into his big bright blue eyes before he ducked down and captured those pink lips in a fiery kiss, tongues sloppily slipping past each other in a heated dance.

He ground his hips down on Niall's as he left the younger boy's lips for a venture down his neck, searching for Niall's soft spot. Niall let out a gasp and a moan in one as Liam's lips latched to the sensitive spot of skin, his blunt nails digging marks into Liam's back. Liam grinned to himself before he continued downwards, his lips, tongue and teeth working together to make Niall writhe beneath him. Their hips grinding together didn't help either, they were both more than half hard in their jeans. Niall was starting to feel uncomfortable in its confinements, but he didn't want to startle Liam or put him off.

He told himself to be patient and let Liam take the lead. He almost sighed in relief when Liam removed his body from his, taking away the friction that was driving him crazy, but his eyes widened in disbelief and sheer pleasure when he noticed what Liam's plans were.

In any other situation, Liam's grin could've been classified as creepy, but now it was just hot and lust-filled as he shifted on the bed to get better access. He bent his head and took the buttonhole of Niall's jeans between his teeth and undid the button before moving down to the zipper. Niall almost lost it at the sight alone, the zipper between Liam's teeth as he pulled it down, and dear lord, the friction that caused could've easily been the death of him. He threw his head back to his pillow, biting his bottom lip hard enough to draw blood while Liam shimmied his jeans off leaving him in his boxers only.

The fabric was doing nothing to cover up his excitement, but he didn't care, all he cared about right now was _Liam Liam Liam Liam_. It wasn't until he felt Liam's teeth tugging at the waistband of the last piece of fabric on his body (thank god he had been smart enough to tug off his socks as soon as he entered the room) that he remembered what was going on. He put a hand on Liam's shoulder, squeezing it softly to make him look up.

“Are you... I mean, you really don't have to Li. Are you sure you want this?” he asked, his voice strained, but he couldn't not ask. Even with all the arousal he felt right now, he couldn't and wouldn't risk Liam doing something he wasn't ready for.

“Yes, Niall, relax and enjoy,” Liam smiled comfortingly up at his boyfriend before he continued what he had begun. Niall was beautiful, he thought as he looked down at his boyfriend, stark naked and falling apart already. He kissed his chest again, and then the soft flesh of his belly, his tongue making a small detour at his belly button, making Niall wriggle beneath him because that tickled in the nicest possible way.

“You're so awfully clothed!” Niall whined, right before he felt Liam's hot breath on his tip because after that, really he couldn't think at all. Liam chuckled but obeyed the unmade request, quickly tugging off his jeans before returning to the task at hand. Niall's member was hard and red, straining against his belly and Liam could see the precum leaking down already. He licked his lips before he blew some hot air over the tip before he took it into his mouth.

“Oh! Oh god!” Niall cried loudly at the sensation of Liam's lips around him, and maybe looking down to see it was a mistake because honestly, it took all his strength not to come already. Obviously, kissing wasn't the only good thing Liam could do with his mouth. His tongue licked up a thick stripe down from the tip until his nose was buried in Niall's groin, hands softly stroking the inside of his thighs to add to the sensation.

Niall moaned loudly when Liam took at least half of his member in his mouth and hollowed his cheeks before going even further down, fighting his gag reflex. The humming sound he made as a sign of approval for Niall's taste made Niall shiver violently. This was so, so good, and he wasn't going to last very long. He closed his eyes, trying hard to keep his hips down on the mattress and not buck up into Liam's warm mouth as he concentrated on the sensation of his lips and tongue and fingers and it was all just Liam, everywhere.

“Fuck Li, I'm close, so close!” he breathed, his nails leaving bright red scratch marks on Liam's back and neck as he went faster and harder. Niall opened his eyes as he felt Liam shift on top of him, right on time to see one of his hands disappear into his boxers. No matter how hot that was to see, he didn't want that, so he reached out for that arm, pulling Liam's hand back out of his boxers.

“No, no, let me do that for you in a bit okay?” he asked, but he didn't really notice if there came an answer because there that was again, that thing Liam did with his tongue and his lips and—

“Oooooooooooooooh....” It was probably loud enough for everyone in the house to hear, but luckily no one seemed to care. Niall shook violently as he came, his limbs heavy on the bed as Liam swallowed and licked the last droplets that had spilled over his lips.

As Niall slowly came down from his high, completely spent but determined to recover quickly to make sure Liam would feel as good as he did, he pulled Liam up to lay beside him. He curled up into Liam's chest and breathed in that smell he loved so much, legs wrapping around Liam's and arms closing tightly around his waist.

 

“I love you.” It sounded a bit strange, and the words made Niall's eyes go wide. In fact, they were spoken so quietly that he wasn't entirely sure if he had heard it correctly, but one look in Liam's eyes told him he had.

It was all it took for Niall to recover fully and fling himself on top of Liam, making sure he'd get rid of that hard on in the best possible way.

 

-

 

It took a long time.

 

It took a long time for the scars from Liam’s past to heal completely, both physical and emotional. It took a long time for Liam to feel truly comfortable with the fact that he had fallen in love with Niall Horan. It took a long time before Liam could admit the intensity of love he felt for Niall aloud.

And when Liam was ready, Niall was there for him.

Prom had been incredible. Liam and Niall had gone together in complementary suits and won Best Couple—the school’s equivalent of prom king and queen. Afterwards, Niall had led Liam away from the hotel giddily and went back to his own house for an after-party of their own. Granted, they didn’t do anything past intense snogging due to their slightly intoxicated states—intoxicated off each other’s presence as well as the alcohol-spiked drinks.

Too soon after prom were the final exams. The weeks leading up to the exams had been stressful enough, but not being able to spend as much time together as they would have liked had been hell, at least for Liam. Only a week into exam preparation, they had agreed that studying together was a horrid idea as they always found ways to distract each other. While it was fun to have short breaks from studying, it wasn’t that much beneficial when all they did was kiss and smile lovingly at each other.

 

Shortly after the exams—thus the end of secondary school—Liam was invited to go visit one of his relatives who lived in Scotland. As it was far away from Wolverhampton, he agreed to go. His auntie kindly allowed for Niall to come with him as well. They stayed in Edinburgh for a week and explored as much of the city as time allowed. Liam had to admit, the change of scenery from Mullingar was refreshing. In a way, he appreciated being back in a city.

It was now July and the results from their exams had arrived this morning. Of course, both of them had passed with grades that were above-average. They had agreed that they should meet up to celebrate by simply spending time with one another.

“When are you gonna be here?” Niall whined over the phone and Liam laughed softly at the blond’s impatience. “I miss my Li already.”

“Ni, we saw each other fifteen hours ago last night,” Liam reminded him. It was true; yesterday, Liam had gone over to Niall’s house for the entire afternoon. The only reason why he hadn’t stayed for dinner and the night was because his family were having dinner together. “And we must have snogged for a solid five minutes before my mum kindly interrupted us.” He was now climbing up the stairs at Niall’s house front.

Niall chuckled at the memory. “Yeah, okay.” There was a pause. “You’re at the doorstep, aye?”

Liam wasn’t startled as he knew that Niall’s window faced the front of the house. “Yup. Wanna come let me in?”

“The answer will always be fuck yes; always for you. ‘Kay, I’m hanging up on you now.” There was a click on the other side of the line as Niall signed off.

Soon, the door swung open and Liam was met with the sight of a grinning Niall. His eyes sparkled when they landed on Liam’s, which made them appear even bluer (if that were even possible).

“Hi,” Niall breathed out as he grabbed Liam’s waist and pulled him in for the usual welcome hug.

“Hi,” Liam replied into the softness of the nape of Niall’s neck. He could feel Niall’s lips move to press fluttery kisses on his neck. They stay locked in that position for a long moment, neither of them wanting to end the embrace.

Eventually, they have to pull themselves apart. “Mmm, I’d never let you go if I never got hungry,” Niall commented cheekily.

“Such a romantic,” said Liam in his best mock-hurt voice. But he couldn’t help but smile at his wonderfully silly boyfriend.

“I know I am,” Niall stated sombrely. “And speaking of being hungry, I am kinda hungry.”

Liam smiled again. “Didn’t you have breakie or brunch?”

“Kinda. Can’t a guy cook with his boyfriend without being questioned?”

“Oh,” Liam mentally stumbled. “You wanna cook with me?” Honestly, they hadn’t done anything this . . . domestic together in the months they had been together. Niall smiled sheepishly. Instead of a verbal answer, he took Liam’s hand in his and led him straight to the kitchen.

The kitchen was already set up with the cooking utensils and some ingredients. Upon closer look, Liam realised that they were all for making pancakes.

“I’m shite at cooking so I thought it’d be safe to stick with pancakes,” Niall offered as a form of explanation. “And I also looked up how to make chocolate chip pancakes from scratch because I know you love chocolate. I gotta admit, I had to ask my ma for tips and that was more embarrassing than it shoulda been. She knew it was for you and—“ As much as Liam thought Niall was cute whilst rambling, Liam wanted those chocolate chip pancakes now. So Liam had to shut Niall up with a short but sweet kiss.

The two of them were pretty successful at making the pancake batter. Well, successful except for the fact that Niall put in too much flour, Liam messed up the milk to egg ratio, and both of them almost forgot to add baking powder until it was almost too late. Also, half the batter was chocolate chips, not that either of them minded. Liam was surprised they hadn’t wasted half the batter on each other’s faces. Granted, both of them took turns scooping out the raw batter with their fingers but by the time they were heating up the stoves, there still were enough of the mix to make pancakes.

Once the pancakes were made and stacked up on their plates and drowned in syrup, they carried them up to Niall’s room. Niall kept smiling almost shyly the entire way up and Liam couldn’t help but wonder why.

Liam got his answer when Niall opened the door to his room.

It was cheesy and brilliant and cliché and heart-warming and romantic and a million other things at the same time.

“Niall,” Liam drew out the name. “You didn’t . . . why would you . . . . ?”

There were maybe a dozen candles scattered throughout the room. A handful of rose petals were strewn over the space between the threshold and Niall’s bed. The muted light streaming through the drapes in combination to the candles provided enough light for Liam to see the lovely blush on Niall’s cheeks.

“I love you so much,” said Niall, meeting Liam’s eyes with an unwavering intensity. “And I thought we deserved a cheesy mornin’ date in the comfort of my own house. And trust me, I hadn’t thought about the implications until I set it all up ‘cause my parents are out of the house ‘til later tonight as well—fuck, I’m rambling again but really, Li—“

“It’s alright,” Liam cut him off. “Let’s just eat our pancakes, yeah? And try not to get the syrup all over your bed.”

Niall smiled gratefully at him before they dug in. The pancakes were a bit lumpy (apart from the chocolate chips,that is) to be honest but Liam loved them. As sappy as he sounded, Liam just loved the fact that he and Niall had just spent some time making themselves a meal together. It was monumental, wasn’t it?

They were sat on the edge of Niall’s bed and it didn’t take long for them to start feeding each other. It was adorable, or so Liam thought mistakenly for about halfway through their meal.

“Here comes the airplane,” Niall teased, holding a piece of pancake inches away from Liam’s lips. They were down to the last few bites by now and apparently, Niall wanted to make a game out of this.

“You do realise that I can feed myself, right?” Liam huffed out, proving himself to be right by taking a morsel from Niall’s plate.

“Hey! That was mine!” Niall complained, looking genuinely angry for a split-second. “You’re lucky I love ya. I never shared food until you came along.”

Liam blushed. This was a somewhat familiar conversation. He didn’t make a habit out of stealing Niall’s food, but it still gave him a sense of accomplishment when Niall proclaimed that he didn’t mind it—much. “And I love you.” he said quietly.

Once they were done with their brunch, Niall put the plates away on his desk. Then he pretty much dove into his bed and scrambled to lie on top of Liam. His arms shot out to cuddle Liam in and Liam immediately snuggled into the warmth of Niall’s body.

“Hi,” Niall whispered, his voice muffled by Liam’s shoulder. Liam simply chuckled at the déjà vu.

“Are we doing this again?” he teased playfully.

The only answer that Liam got was Niall burrowing his face into Liam’s shoulder even more. A shivery moan left Liam’s mouth when Niall’s lips pressed kisses on his shoulder.

Chucking at Niall’s adorableness, Liam tightened his arms around Niall’s body. Niall seemed to enjoy it, if the soft humming was anything to go by.

He felt Niall’s breath hitch for a heartbeat when Liam bent up his legs to straddle Niall from below.

 

Liam had been thinking about it for a while now: going all the way with Niall. Unlike the last time he had had sex, he knew exactly what he was doing and precisely what he was asking of Niall. He understood the emotional implications and he wasn’t afraid of the aftermath. No, aftermath wasn’t the right word to describe what was going to happened after this. This time he was truly in love and he wanted to take the next step with Niall. Together.

“Li . . . .” Niall breathed out, shifting his weight.

Liam didn’t want to chance Niall getting away from his grip, so he crossed his ankles behind Niall’s lower back. “I know what I want, Nialler. I’ve wanted to tell you for so long but I never could. It’s like that Snow Patrol song, Ni. ‘Those three words are said too much. They’re not enough’. I’ve told you that I love you hundreds of times by now and I haven’t been completely honest with you. I’m in love with you. I’m so deeply in love with you that it’s crazy, Niall.

"It’s crazy that we’re so young yet I feel so strongly about you, in an absolutely positive way. I mean it with my entire heart, when I say that I’ve never felt this way towards anyone else. I’m truly, crazy, deeply in love with you, Niall Horan. I know that you’ve said that you’re always here for me time and time again. Now I can finally say the same back to you. I know that given my past, I’m far from perfect. I can never be your ideal boyfriend yet you’ve fallen for me too. You’ve no idea how grate I am to know that.”

 

By the time Liam had finished pouring his heart out to Niall, tears had welled up in his Bambi-like eyes and fallen. Niall’s eyes weren’t dry either.

“Liam,” Niall started slowly, testing his next words inside his head. His voice was not stable from the overwhelming ylove he felt for his boyfriend, “I’m in love with you too, and you should know that you are perfect to me. I’m not sure if you love yourself half as much as I love you yet, but you need to know that I’m here for you now and always will be as long as you want me to. I mean it, Liam, from the bottom of my heart.”

The other boy swallowed thickly. “Maybe I have come to love myself as much as you love me. You know what they say: love can heal any wounds. And you know what, your stubborn love put me back in one piece and now all I need is your love to keep me whole. I can’t imagine going back to that part of my life before you came along and saved me. You really did save my life and my heart.”

A kiss seemed like the perfect segue to this heart-to-heart and that was what happened next. Their lips met halfway and it was filled with love and love only. Gently, Liam rolled over with his ankles still locked behind Niall’s back. Niall released a startled gasp into Liam’s mouth and Liam took that as an invitation.

Their kiss grew decidedly less innocent when Niall moved to bracket his legs outside of Liam’s and lifted his hand to cup the back of Liam’s neck. The same hand soon travelled up further to tangle in Liam’s short hair. Niall didn’t wait long before he tugged at the neckline of Liam’s t-shirt. Liam let out a nearly inaudible moan before he raised his arms straight above his head and helped Niall get his top off. Not liking the leverage Niall had over him, Liam lifted his torso off Niall’s so Niall could doff his top. Liam glared at Niall’s trousers before he reached down and undid them. Liam scooted down Niall’s upper body, and in his descent, he lowered his head to place random kisses down to the waistband of Niall’s Calvin Klein boxers.

 

Little desperate-sounding noises left Niall’s lips and Liam couldn’t help but smirk slightly. He gripped the edge of the boxers between his teeth and slowly lowered them. As Niall’s semi sprang free of its confines, Liam could see a light flushing of red spread from Niall’s cheeks to down his neck and chest. Personally, Liam thought Niall’s ability to blush easily was adorable. He admired Niall in all his unclothed glory for a moment before he set to work.

Actually, he had to ask Niall a very crucial question: “Erm, do you wanna, uh, top or I could . . . .”

 

“Mmm, want you in me. Been waiting for so long for his, to be honest,” Niall breathed out, his eyes dark with lust but still shining with love.

Smiling shyly, Liam blew a gentle stream of warm air over the head of Niall’s member, which earned him a shivery gasp from Niall. Not wanting to tease Niall too badly, Liam wrapped his hand around the base loosely and guided the tip to his mouth. He immediately flicked his tongue out to lick along the slit and then flattened his tongue to let Niall in as much as he could.

Niall swore loudly and tried his best to not buck his hips up. Liam set a slow pace as he had other plans. With his free hand, he stretched it upwards blindly. Niall got the hint right away and sucked three of Liam’s fingers into his mouth. When Liam bobbed up and swirled the pointed tip of his tongue over Niall’s leaking head, Niall’s jaws slackened; Liam mentally filed that information away as he trailed his fingertips down Niall’s smooth and pale sides.

Liam dropped Niall’s erection from between his now-reddened lips. “You sure about this?”

“Surer than I’ve ever been in me life,” Niall reassured him.

The blond hooked his forearms under and dragged Liam up, who did as Niall bid him. They claimed each other’s lips in yet another sweet kiss, a kiss that set a series of slow flames scorching their bloodstream. It was Liam’s turn to get undressed so Niall made a quick job of ridding Liam of his pesky joggers and boxers. Unlike Liam, Niall didn’t tease Liam as the clothes went flying towards the floor. Liam simply chuckled at his boyfriend’s impatience and placed his fingertips at Niall’s entrance. Niall didn’t break his eye contact with Liam as he nodded, upper teeth trapping his bottom lip in its place.

 

At the first push, Niall dug his teeth harder into his lip and moaned, half from the sting and half from being filled. Worry flashed in Liam’s warm brown eyes so Niall canted his hips down to take more of Liam’s finger inside of him. Liam gulped at the sudden tightness that surrounded his forefinger. Carefully, he wiggled it around to loosen the warm tightness. Niall moaned in encouragement, his eyes slipping shut.

“More, please,” Niall whimpered, hips rocking to get Liam moving in the pace that he wanted.

“You’re so eager, it’s adorable,” Liam murmured as he complied.

“Ungh, less talking, more love-making,” Niall demanded. Nonetheless, he mewled in appreciation as a second finger breached his hole. After only a few minutes, Niall began to chant: “’M ready, ‘m ready, Li. God, get inside me now.”

 

Liam smiled at Niall’s impatience as he pulled out his fingers. Niall lay still for a few heartbeats before he remembered that they needed some stuff. After pressing a quick kiss to Liam’s shoulder, Niall rolled away to the edge of his bed and opened the top drawer of his beside stand. There he found what he was looking for.

“Safety first, aye?” he commented cheekily as he literally crawled towards Liam, two packets held between in his teeth precariously. He then proceeded to seat himself on Liam’s abs. He spat out the packets onto his right hand whilst his left hand snaked behind him to grip Liam’s length. He gave it a few pumps to ensure that Liam was hard (not that Liam stood a chance against the sight of Niall in the nude). Grinning, Niall swivelled around to quickly open up one of the packets and roll the condom onto Liam’s erection. With the lube, he covered Liam’s length thoroughly with the slippery substance and smeared the remainder over his own entrance.

“I should’ve told ya,” Niall whispered, once again facing Liam. “I’m a bit of a power bottom.”

He winked at Liam before he aligned himself with Liam’s crotch and sank down slowly. Both his and Liam’s faces scrunched up from the intensity of what they were feeling. After he was adjusted enough, Niall rocked his hips little figure-eights, moaning at the sensation. Liam was in the same place as Niall, his hands covering Niall’s hipbones absentmindedly. Niall stilled his hips as he crouched forward, missing the taste of Liam’s lips already. He let his tongue poke out and trace the outline of Liam’s lips before fully kissing him. This was when he began to properly bounce on Liam’s length. He personally liked this position best because it was the quickest way to—.

 

“God, yesssssss,” Niall practically shouted with his lips still attached to Liam’s as the tip of Liam’s member grazed that little bundle of nerves inside him. Liam’s stomach tightened with hot coils at the mix of pants and moans leaving Niall’s mouth. “Right ther—ah!”

Liam thrust his hips up and swallowed Niall’s cries with the heated kisses. Instincts took over and Liam flipped Niall over so he could rock into Niall with force and precision. He wasn’t pounding away as though he was chasing his orgasm; no, he wanted to make it last. He and Niall were making love, not simply shagging. He trailed his lips down the side of Niall’s neck and back up, revelling in the tiny shudders that wrecked Niall’s smaller body. He tongued at Niall’s sweet spot right beside the nape of his neck before he resumed kissing the blond.

Their hips chased each other in a steady rhythm and both of them were quite close to release. Their kiss wasn’t as much of a kiss as it was them breathing heavily against the other boy’s lips and tongues lazily flicking out. All it took for Niall was a warm and firm grip around his hard-on and a few pumps and he was clenching around Liam’ repeatedly as Liam’s name tumbled past his lips. Liam lasted a couple weak thrusts before he hit his high as well.

Afterwards, Liam slowly pulled out. He pressed a soothing kiss upon Niall’s brow at the wince. Frankly, they were blissed out and had no intention to move. But in the end, Liam’s rationale won out so he forced himself upright.

“Where ya goin’,” Niall mumbled, sounding half-asleep. He turned to bury his face in one of his pillows.

“Need to get you cleaned up,” Liam explained, bending down to kiss the halo of blond hair. “And thank you for loving me.”

“Thank you for lettin’ m’ love ya,” Niall replied.

“Thank you for being patient, Niall.”

“I told ya,” said Niall as he tilted his head up to face Liam, who was halfway across the room already. “I’m always here for you.”

Liam smiled at his lover over his shoulder. “I know. And I’ll always be grateful for that.”


End file.
